I wanted to speak out. I wanted to show you how I rationalize, how I tear apart every fact, every word you say till it turns to dust and falls at my feet. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't even begin to imagine how this heart beats, how I try to keep count but I fail. I write every time I need to talk to myself. I write every time I need to tell myself that everything's going to be alright. I write to convince myself the world is not falling apart when it's coming crashing down around me. I keep my eyes shut and write. I ignore the thundering noise and write. I ignore the voice in my head and I write. I write till the words become a scribble and it finally makes no sense. I write till I exhaust myself. Then I open my eyes to see nothing but an illuminated stream of dust in the air.

In the end, I write some more.